Learnt helplessness is a conditioned belief that you cannot change or escape a tough situation no matter what you do. It feels like you’ve tried everything and nothing works, so you just collapse.
Curiously, even when a good option comes up, you ignore it because “you’ve learnt” that nothing works so why try. You may also be secretly hoping that someone is coming to rescue you, which in fact is impossible.
Learnt helplessness develops because of repetitive adverse situations in the past, i.e. various types of abuse, bullying at school or workplace, witnessing abuse, crappy adult relationships or because of a sneakier example: overly protective parent, who made decisions for you, implying that you’re too fragile to cope with life’s harshness.
Because it was repeated and you needed to adapt, the above settled in your subconscious and through limiting beliefs is driving your life into misery.
How does it show up?
Think of any chronic behaviour in your life, which you’re not too proud of: addictions, hoarding, not exercising, staying in a truly damaging relationship, living pay check to pay check, identifying with “I’m bad with tech” and not keeping up with tech development, saying that “I’m unsuitable for relationships” because of a few bad dates, staying in comfort zone because you don’t feel deserving better, not asking for a pay rise, working in the place which you’ve outgrown, suppressing your needs, wants and emotions this way squashing your true talented and unique self, etc.
Essentially, you would respond “I can’t” to suggestions to change something.
Looks hopeless, right? Fortunately, there’s a way out because this is learnt!
The steps are simple and you have to commit to creating wellbeing for yourself.
- recognise that this is happening in your life. Perhaps even identify what exact mistaken beliefs hold you back.
- accept where you are.
- realise that no one is coming to save you. Only your current self can save the future you.
- ask/ seek help and take baby steps.
- be patient with yourself because depending on the seriousness of the conditioning the harm cannot necessarily be undone at a finger snap.
The main takeaway: learnt helplessness means that you can unlearn it and you are capable of figuring out options that suit you.
I’m inviting you to do some MOT on your life so that you could pinpoint what’s holding you back and come up with your next step, so get in touch!
