top of page

Identity Issues and Self-esteem

freedom from mind traps and low self esteem

Everyone of us is born with great self-esteem. We did nothing to get it, we were just born with it. Then someone or some event comes along and pulls the of self-esteem from under us and then we go about the incredibly strange job of learning to unlove ourselves! Let me guess? If you have low self-esteem, you are the sort of person who is very kind, you always do friends favours. Even close friends can slip into that mode of being around you because you are so giving. You always want more time for yourself but never seem to get much because you fill your day doing things for other people.


You find it very hard to say "no" as you feel guilty, and you often find yourself doing things you don't really want to do. You look after your friends, partner, and children far better than yourself. You feed others first at the time they want but eat yours later or even don't get time. You want to look after your body but rarely do. You may even live your life in chaos and disorder. You are great at giving good solid advice which you never listen to yourself. Sound familiar?

We all have an inner voice which we will be aware of throughout our day. It may begin at the mirror in the morning, “will I look good in this or that?” We’ve all heard the famous line “Does my bum look big in this?”. People with low self-esteem have a critical inner voice which again could begin at the mirror, but it might sound more like “I’m so ugly”, “my body is disgusting”, “how could anyone want to love me?” This voice will be criticising them throughout their whole day.

Do you feel that you have low self-esteem or maybe someone has told you that you have? Have you ever tried listening to your voice? Perhaps you can remember what it said to you as you looked in your mirror this morning? How would it feel if I asked you a few questions? Do you deserve to be happy? Are you an important person? Are you worthy of love? 
Do you like the real you? Are you intelligent? If you walked into a room full of people at a gathering, would you feel happy? Are you a good person? If you answered "no" to some of those or all of them, I wonder if you could imagine walking up to a person you know or a stranger and saying “You don’t deserve to be happy, you’re not worthy of love, you’re a bad person!” Chances are you would never do that; not ever but how do you manage to do it to yourself so easily everyday?

I am a huge believer in the concept that we all began life as a perfect baby that loved itself but as we grew up things changed because of situations, because of people and some of us end up feeling unhappy, unlovable and unattractive, and because we don’t love ourselves we attract partners that treat us badly, we blame ourselves for anything that goes wrong to the point that we avoid making decisions, we say "sorry" constantly even if we had nothing to do with what happened, we live in debt, we make ourselves ill and mistreat our bodies. It’s always other people that deserve to be happy and not us and sometimes unhappy is all we know, it becomes
like our safe zone because it is all we know, all we expect. Why should you be denied the joy of being alive, the beauty of life?


Some people believe confidence comes naturally to people with good self-esteem. Does it? Think about some of the famous stars from past and future who are amazing on stage but are incredibly insecure. Confidence can be gained. Learning how to acknowledge small successes in your life, learning how to congratulate yourself to build confidence, learning from mistakes to reinforce confidence and faking confidence till you become confident. If you entered a lift with someone you knew well enough to say a few words to, would you find the silences uncomfortable? Perhaps desperate for something to say, almost feeling yourself going red, stumbling over words? A confident person doesn’t think that way, they are comfortable with the silence, but they will be thinking "What can I say to put this person at ease?". They might say a few words about the weather or something, but it will be natural and not forced because they are not trying, it just comes naturally. If any of this page hits home for you please make that first step today by giving me a call or sending me a message. I have an incredible love for life and the process of life and step by step we can work together making each small success into one that lasts a lifetime. 

bottom of page